I've been putting a lot of thought into my upcoming 30th birthday. It's the thought that I didn't put into all of my birthdays until now - the horror of coming up with amazing plans, getting excited, and putting a lot of effort into an event, and having it not work out. Hell, knowing me, even just one facet not working out can be enough to throw my inner perfectionist into a tizzy.
...and as much as I like the word "tizzy"...
I'm not good at handling disappointment. The best way to combat this reality is acceptance, of which I'm capable of understanding intellectually if not emotionally.
Impermanence (everything changes)
Not-self (it's not about me)
Unsatisfactory-ness (to have expectations for "good" and "bad" is to set yourself up for disappointment)
I have these words tattoo'd in Arabic on my back. I don't know if its correct and I can't even see it most of the time, but it's there just like I know it's in the back of my head, not fully explored or executed, but it's there.
But it's my 30th birthday, and the gift I'm giving myself is allowing myself to dream. I'm daydreaming about What Makes Me Happy and the various ways I can put all of those things together (like lists, which this is turning out to be GREAT for). I spend entirely too much time acknowledging what makes me unhappy, and way too much effort trying to avoid getting my hopes up. For the last few weeks I've been imagining my friends, my favorite music, the perfect atmosphere, decoration, activities, FOR ME. Things that make me happy with no regard to how they will productively contribute to the greater part of society...
...although I sure hope that in some way, it will.
And I hope that you'll consider contributing to the greater part of society by supporting the dreams of my fellow Cloud City Circus members and I as we embark upon an Indiegogo campaign to raise funds for our big-time shows which require rehearsal, choreography, storylines, lighting, venue, costumes, props, sets, and more!
...and as much as I like the word "tizzy"...
I'm not good at handling disappointment. The best way to combat this reality is acceptance, of which I'm capable of understanding intellectually if not emotionally.
Impermanence (everything changes)
Not-self (it's not about me)
Unsatisfactory-ness (to have expectations for "good" and "bad" is to set yourself up for disappointment)
I have these words tattoo'd in Arabic on my back. I don't know if its correct and I can't even see it most of the time, but it's there just like I know it's in the back of my head, not fully explored or executed, but it's there.
But it's my 30th birthday, and the gift I'm giving myself is allowing myself to dream. I'm daydreaming about What Makes Me Happy and the various ways I can put all of those things together (like lists, which this is turning out to be GREAT for). I spend entirely too much time acknowledging what makes me unhappy, and way too much effort trying to avoid getting my hopes up. For the last few weeks I've been imagining my friends, my favorite music, the perfect atmosphere, decoration, activities, FOR ME. Things that make me happy with no regard to how they will productively contribute to the greater part of society...
...although I sure hope that in some way, it will.
And I hope that you'll consider contributing to the greater part of society by supporting the dreams of my fellow Cloud City Circus members and I as we embark upon an Indiegogo campaign to raise funds for our big-time shows which require rehearsal, choreography, storylines, lighting, venue, costumes, props, sets, and more!
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